I wonder how much easier my days would be if I just stopped and took a breath, instead of letting my thoughts spiral out of control. If I took the time to notice my surroundings and relax, pushing the anxiety and worries to one side, if only for a short while.
Today is the kind of day to blow the cobwebs away. Cool, crisp and breezy with a dusting of snow. The sun hangs low in the sky and warms the soul, not just the green fields and the ice covered footpaths.
It would be nice to think the darker days are behind me, but I suspect they are not. I’m still working through events of the last four years and slowly coming to terms with where I am now.
The transition of moving from being a carer to nothing has been a difficult one. I feel empty and like I am no longer needed. But I am, I need me, it’s time I started to look after myself.
I don’t want to return to the person I was pre counselling, I have grown fond of who I have become. Not perfect by any means, but perhaps a little less flawed. I certainly have a greater understanding of the person I am, able to accept my faults and trying desperately to acknowledge my accomplishments and not just brush them aside.
Ever changing, but hopefully for the better.