Always thinking

I wonder how much easier my days would be if I just stopped and took a breath, instead of letting my thoughts spiral out of control. If I took the time to notice my surroundings and relax, pushing the anxiety and worries to one side, if only for a short while. 

Today is the kind of day to blow the cobwebs away. Cool, crisp and breezy with a dusting of snow. The sun hangs low in the sky and warms the soul, not just the green fields and the ice covered footpaths. 

It would be nice to think the darker days are behind me, but I suspect they are not. I’m still working through events of the last four years and slowly coming to terms with where I am now. 

The transition of moving from being a carer to nothing has been a difficult one. I feel empty and like I am no longer needed. But I am, I need me, it’s time I started to look after myself. 

I don’t want to return to the person I was pre counselling, I have grown fond of who I have become. Not perfect by any means, but perhaps a little less flawed. I certainly have a greater understanding of the person I am, able to accept my faults and trying desperately to acknowledge my accomplishments and not just brush them aside. 

Ever changing, but hopefully for the better. 

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9 thoughts on “Always thinking

  1. I’m late showing up here there and everywhere …. but I just wanted to say, it’s going to take time …. time and more time …. because the intensity of the life you’ve been living as a primary carer will need its own space to close itself down ….. and that means the sudden emptiness and wandering and all the mixed emotions that come with that ….. but as you know and have said, YOU need you – and you need to remember that just because you no longer have to “work” at being the support system during a longer lasting critical time doesn’t mean that you have no “helping services” ….. so it’s okay to just feel all of this

    and with time and all the work you’ve put into you and still are, you will come to learn and rediscover who you are now – and might like to be – so, take a deep breath and just try to enjoy the sun when it’s out there warming your beautiful face ….. you’re a work in progress …. just like a lovely sunflower that rests in the soil and then slowly sprouts and grows and rises boldly to flower in grand smiling fashion 🙂

    Like

      • typical of you …. and me …. and most people ….. natural reaction that when you finally make real headway and come to some deep understanding and acceptance, and then have some great tools to work with, that the impatience kicks in! Human nature ….. but, hey, one moment at a time ((((((((((Maddie)))))))))

        Like

    • Lol thank you for thinking of me, but I can’t even read my own handwriting let alone expect anyone else too, besides it might be a give away if seen 😉
      Fun idea though, I’ve not seen that one before 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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