Why do I find it so hard to write. It’s not like I have nothing to say, my mind is a constant mix of possibilities vying for attention, they just never seem to make it from mind to where it matters.
I felt restricted on my other blog, not by anyone in the WordPress community, but by my family and friends, the people who know me in real life. It’s hard to lay yourself bare to people who interact with you on a daily basis. Most people who write would understand the need to and how healing it can be. We don’t mean everything we write, sometimes it’s just a way of making sense of the murky insides of our brains. So many times when I have been venting I have had family members message me to ask if I am ok or do they need to worry about me. Usually by the time I have finished my post I have worked out whatever my issue is, I just needed to lay it down in order to understand it and then draw a line under it. So as well meaning as people are, because it is nice to know people care, it’s hard having to justify yourself.
I thought coming here to write would be the answer to the conundrum, I could be anonymous again and not have to worry about either confusing or offending anyone within my immediate circle of either family or friends. I have long since stopped caring about stats or views, this is a place where I will write for myself regardless. What I do miss though are my WordPress family, I miss their interaction and their virtual hugs. I miss their wit and sarcasm, humour and honestly. But how would they view me if they were to also read this blog, which can sometimes be a polar opposite of the other. Again with the worry, why?
I came here to be free, but still the words do not come.
What is it I find so difficult about delving into my past, is there something I need to unlock to retrieve the memories in order for me to write about them? Why can I not just write without restraint and worry, because I have seen others who do, and the results are magical.
Perhaps one day I will be free and then perhaps what I write will be magical too.