My counselling has finished, it’s time for me to head back into the big wide world with no back up. This time however I have the tools to hopefully tackle my inner demons and finally get my life on track.
I’ve said before that I want 2017 to be the year, the year for what I hear you ask, well the year in which I make changes. I’ve spent the last 4 years of my life caring for my Mum and now she is gone it’s time for me to focus on my own health and well being, not just for myself, but so I can be around for my Dad as well.
I’ve already made a start, finally giving up cigarettes just before the New Year. I wasn’t an overly heavy smoker, but it had got to the stage where I no longer enjoyed smoking and thought what the hell, there was nothing to lose. It’s been going not too bad, the first week was a breeze and then the nicotine withdrawal rage kicked in. Thankfully I made it through without killing anyone….well so far anyway, almost 5 weeks in.
There are other changes I need to make, like looking after my mental well-being. Counselling has taught me that I constantly need to challenge myself to counter the effects of my anxiety and my lack of self confidence. I am my own worst enemy, I would never tell anyone else they are useless, so why do I do it to myself? Before I worry about anyone else, I need to learn to love myself, quirks and all. Perhaps then I will start to let others in.
I’m finally going to get over myself and my stupid fears and go to both the dentist and the Dr. I’ve been at the dentist recently but it’s been a while since I was at the Doctors, mainly because I am scared of what they will tell me. What you don’t know doesn’t hurt you right?! These days I am wore worried that what I don’t know might kill me, so it’s time to grow a set and go.
Weight is another issue. I’ve some to the conclusion that after 40 odd years my puppy fat is not going to disappear, damn all those people who told me that I would grow out of it, you liars! So I need to motivate myself and start eating a little healthier. Oh crisps I will miss you…
I’m not that naive that I think this is going to be easy, I know it’s not, but last year wasn’t easy either and we made it through, so with a little grit and determination I’ll hopefully push through this one too.
As long as I have family, friends, music and laughter I can make it through anything 🙂