On My Own

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My counselling has finished, it’s time for me to head back into the big wide world with no back up. This time however I have the tools to hopefully tackle my inner demons and finally get my life on track.

I’ve said before that I want 2017 to be the year, the year for what I hear you ask, well the year in which I make changes. I’ve spent the last 4 years of my life caring for my Mum and now she is gone it’s time for me to focus on my own health and well being, not just for myself, but so I can be around for my Dad as well.

I’ve already made a start, finally giving up cigarettes just before the New Year. I wasn’t an overly heavy smoker, but it had got to the stage where I no longer enjoyed smoking and thought what the hell, there was nothing to lose. It’s been going not too bad, the first week was a breeze and then the nicotine withdrawal rage kicked in. Thankfully I made it through without killing anyone….well so far anyway, almost 5 weeks in.

There are other changes I need to make, like looking after my mental well-being. Counselling has taught me that I constantly need to challenge myself to counter the effects of my anxiety and my lack of self confidence. I am my own worst enemy, I would never tell anyone else they are useless, so why do I do it to myself? Before I worry about anyone else, I need to learn to love myself, quirks and all. Perhaps then I will start to let others in.

I’m finally going to get over myself and my stupid fears and go to both the dentist and the Dr. I’ve been at the dentist recently but it’s been a while since I was at the Doctors, mainly because I am scared of what they will tell me. What you don’t know doesn’t hurt you right?! These days I am wore worried that what I don’t know might kill me, so it’s time to grow a set and go.

Weight is another issue. I’ve some to the conclusion that after 40 odd years my puppy fat is not going to disappear, damn all those people who told me that I would grow out of it, you liars! So I need to motivate myself and start eating a little healthier. Oh crisps I will miss you…

I’m not that naive that I think this is going to be easy, I know it’s not, but last year wasn’t easy either and we made it through, so with a little grit and determination I’ll hopefully push through this one too.

As long as I have family, friends, music and laughter I can make it through anything 🙂

 

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3 thoughts on “On My Own

  1. Ummm ….. puppy fat eh??? You’ll grow out of it. UHHHHHHUHHHHHHHHHHH ….. I heard that too – then that quickly switched to “you’re going to end up as big as a barn door” – and then “you’re built like a line backer” – work related mostly – not the weight, although, yeah, sure, of course I could stand to lose some weight – I’m guessing, what?? at least 40 to 60 pounds? Shite! But even wayyyyyyy back in my youthful days, when I was a mere youngster in my late teens and early twenties, and weighed about 100 pounds sopping wet (at a mere 5 foot nothing to boot) according to those “damn stats and charts” blah blah blah – I was still overweight by 10 pounds! So hey, what? Playing xylophone on my ribs is okay???? And yeah, these “puppies” on my sides???? They’re called HIPS – I’m curvy damnit!

    Anyhow …. enough laughter, well, I hope you’re laughing – but I hear where you’re coming from – and yeah, deep breath in and out and just relax – slowly slowly, small changes and steps lead to better things and changes – and eventually become “second nature” ……

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      • LOL – six pack??? I could only dream of such insanity …. I’ll just take “my rolling plains and dangerous curves” and say, pass me a beer 😉 [of course, I don’t drink, only in a blue moon – but hey, there’s just more of me to love! and er ….. handle????] 😉

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